When I get to decide things...spiders will not exist!!!!!!!!!! There will be other critters who take up the good responsibilities that spiders do.
Last night at about 10:30pm after a very long day of work and church, I let my dogs out to go potty. Meg had to jump over some foliage...then the foliage moved on its own. Then I got the shivers down my spin. I knew what it was. IT WAS HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I measured it to be 4" including legs.
I pay good money to eliminate...YES ELIMINATE... those things from my property. How can I face one on my front door step? How can I sleep knowing those things are outside on my property? How can I be sure they dont find a "spider door" to come in to my house. Oh my word!!!!!!
Now I was faced with a challenge that only should be dealt with by men. I am female. I really should not have to address this. But once again, being single forces me to become the man I wanted to marry. I must commit murder on my front door step. I quickly went inside and put on shoes (aka the weapon). Then went outside to become the terrorist. I wanted to scream but I couldn't wake the neighbors. I then realized that my foot may not be able to smash the entire thing (yes it was that large). So I picked up my front door mat (aren't I resourceful?!) and threw it on the ANIMAL! Then I jumped all over the mat to ensure death. Then I removed the mat. Then I shivered and shivered for a while in unbelief!
This morning I was able to get within 3.5 feet of the dead ANIMAL to shoot this photo. Then I shivered and shivered again in unbelief.
The carcass is still on my front porch. Do you think it is appropriate to ask my home teachers to address that? Please advise.
9 comments:
FOUR INCHES?!?!?!?!?!?
i barely made it through that entire story. today your feats are greater than those of michael phelps.
ouarghew... (that was the sound of me shuddering)
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I hate spiders....
Yep, I think it's safe to ask your home teachers to address Shelob (see Lord of the Rings/Google it if you don't get the nerdy reference). Sorry I couldn't be there with my sword, shield, bow & arrow, and flame thrower to help out...
When I was first married, when I found a spider crawling across the kitchen. I trapped it with a pan and waited 5 hours for Chris to come home and kill it. Now fast forward 7 years. I saw the largest spider of my life in my garage a week ago when Chris was gone. I got a hoe and bludgeoned the life out of that vile creature. I think there was a parellel I was trying to draw somewhere....
Also, grab a snow shovel and scoop the spider body into your trash.
oh, i forgot to give you my advice on what to do with the body. i would sweep it into the garden area and hope that one of your dogs might eat it... or it might decay gracefully... but i would definitely not hope that a bigger bug would come eat it. that would be awful (because, of course, that would mean a bigger bug lives on your property).
to me what you did was courageous. in my ecology class one day their were spiders everywhere on the branches we needed to study (i mean EVERYWHERE). obviously my (male)teacher has no fear of anything nature and said to get off the chair and that the spiders won't eat me. in my opinion i think they would have if my friend wasn't killing them for me the entire hour. as advice for the disposal of the spider i say you get a lot of lighter fluid and a match.
I remember one visit to your house you mentioned a neighbor saw a mountain lion wandering around your community. I think I'd rather have the mountain lion. At least you know that suckers not getting into your house.
You may have just killed a spider, but think about how many other insects will now roam free now that their predator is dead. Which is worse?
Missy, oh missy! I'm going to be honest when i say that that thing is DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!UCK!!!
don't they give out medals for 4" spider killers? Maybe I'll make you one, because that is definitely medal worthy!
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